Seth's Heart

Earlier this month we went for our 2-and-a-half year checkup. Our pediatrician first noted Seth had a heart murmur when he was 15 months old. At the time no one was too worried because heart murmurs in young children are common, typically innocent and often resolve themselves with time. 

When Seth got sick last winter we found ourselves at a walk-in clinic and the doctor on call commented on his heart murmur while listening to his chest. It was pretty loud but it turns out that's not uncommon either if you're running a fever.

Our 2 year check-up came and went and Seth's murmur was still there, but our appointment wasn't with our usual pediatrician and so it was impossible to say whether things had gotten better or worse. The doctor we saw felt it was still an innocent murmur.

Which brings me back to earlier this month at our 2-and-a-half year checkup.

Our regular pediatrician was back at her practice and said it was time to get Seth's heart looked at by a cardiologist. She made it clear we weren't looking for immediate problems as those would have manifested themselves before now, but for heart problems that might become an issue later in life. She had some legitimate concerns that his heart murmur combined with his struggles to keep weight on might be an indicator of something more serious.

We left that day with a referral and a week later got a call for an appointment for Sept. 24 (yesterday). In the meantime we bought some new carseats.

In the past 2 years my boys have only been in a car a handful of times. Seth has never gotten sick in a car, but he did get sick on a swing once when it was early in the day and not long after breakfast. He also expressed early on that riding backward in our Radio Flyer wagon was not for him.

As a kid I suffered with motion sickness myself in a fairly profound way and there are certainly better times of day to travel than right after breakfast. In this case however, we didn't have much choice. Our appointment was set for 10:15 and so we hit the road a little before 10 with tummies full of breakfast and my fingers crossed.

Nate had no issues on our journey to see the cardiologist, but I didn't expect that he would. He had a great time in the car and can't wait to see Daddy "drive the wheel" again:

– 'Dis remind me a little of long time ago time in other kind of new seat
for some reason.

I checked in with Seth half-way through and he said he felt OK, but 5 minutes later he looked a little green and said he did not feel OK.

– I looking at distant point on horizon and doing my best to keep
cinnamon toast and fruit down now.

Fortunately we were almost there. 

And the cardiologist had toys waiting in her waiting room which meant we liked her already. 

– Is always nice when there is a toy waiting for you when you show up in strange place.
'Dis is good protocol everyone.

It wasn't long before it was time to get down to business however. Seth had a great time getting weighed in and standing against the height chart and a few other preliminary procedures. The info from the cardiologist's office suggested bringing a comforting item from home for the exam (a favorite toy, a cherished stuffed animal, etc.).

I brought Nate.

The truth is we had another appointment that day with Nate for different reasons, but that isn't specifically why I brought Nate. My decision to bring Nate to Seth's appointment (and by the same turn to bring Seth to Nate's appointment) was deliberate. Mommy can kiss boo-boos like no one else, but having your best friend in the room with you when the lights go down in a strange place and you're laying your half-naked self down on an unfamiliar doctor's table with a bunch of machines and wires around you... well, it provides a comfort that nothing else can match.

Except for maybe a sucker. 

– 'Dis doctor appointment really starting to shape up now.

The cardiologist was so good with my boy, but then that is part of her specialty as a pediatric cardiologist and it certainly wasn't her first trip around the block with a toddler who felt a little apprehensive. Neither of my boys have had a sucker before so there was a bit of a learning curve for Seth at least since he was laying down ("No biting, just licking!"). Nate was off to the side and crunched his down before the doctor was done issuing those words so I crossed my fingers again and hoped Seth wouldn't notice.

Sugary goodness, Mommy kisses and a music box with dancing circus figures later and we were good to go.

This is the part where I take a picture of something I don't ever want to see again in my whole life:

And the part where I have no idea what I'm looking at but take a picture of the screen anyway because I don't know if this is the beginning of a journey or the end of one:

The truth is I had no idea what I was looking at on the monitor yesterday in terms of heart health, but for a moment in time I was standing there while the doctor ran the ultrasound device over my little boy's goo-covered chest, and looking at Seth's heart I realized it was the most incredible thing to see that I don't ever want to see again. 

My baby has a noisy heart.

A beautiful and strong and noisy heart that is perfectly fine as it turns out.

We are the lucky ones.

Thank you to everyone who lifted us up in prayer yesterday, and a very special thank you to Mason's Mommy because I know outside of immediate family we were in your thoughts especially. 

We left the office with this in hand:

I kind of want to put a frame around it.

- L.

PS. The sucker turned out to be nearly an all day sucker. Seth took the "just licking" thing very seriously. 

This picture doesn't capture it very well, but by the time we arrived at Sick Kids Hospital his bottom lip in particular was stained a bright orange:

And on our way to get our "Old McDonald's" he fell asleep:

But not before he admired Nate's admission bracelet at Sick Kids. It was also orange so that probably helped a little. 

My other brave boy after getting a blood draw that he didn't even so much as flinch over: 

And of course the lunch at "Old McDonald's" complete with "French fries! And a cheeseburger! And chicken nuggets too!" that was promised after a tough morning:

They're still lovin' it.

Maybe a little too much since this was our second trip in a week, but if anyone deserved a fun lunch yesterday it was all of us.

I hope the results of Nate's tests will be a much shorter post where I can simply say "Good news everyone – he's fine!". The truth is that Nate drinks a lot of water and pees a lot also which means he's either one thirsty boy or there is something else going on. Currently we're looking at the obvious things: Juvenile or Type 1 Diabetes or issues with kidney function. 

In case I sound a little casual here, you can bet that either of those terms makes my heart get up in my throat which to be honest is already a little raw. 

We did everything we could to make yesterday as fun and light as possible and it was for my boys, as much as it could be. Still, when we got home from our "big adventures" I'm not going to deny setting them up with a few toys to play with quietly while I went into a far away room and had a good cry. 

The good cry was tears of relief for one of my sons.

And God willing, I hope to be having a similar cry over the other one very soon.

• • • • • • •

Update: It turns out Nate is just a thirsty boy – his kidneys and pancreas are fine. : )