Like Throwing Sand In My Eyes

I mentioned a few posts back that my boys have been taking extra pains this past week to keep me entertained and/or distracted.

And as much as the entertainment itself has been a distraction of sorts, that isn't exactly what I meant. What I really meant to imply, of course, was shenanigans.

I walked in on the last frame of this scenario a couple of mornings ago:

At which point I realized I will never live to see my seventies (much less ninety-nine) at the rate my boys are currently taking years off my life. This particular shenanigan must have cost me at least 6 months. 

And no, I did not stop to take pictures. How could I when Stern Mommy™ was right there, plucking toddlers off their precarious perches and shooing everyone out of the room?

I took the pictures much later that day after Stern Mommy™ had long since been replaced by Weary Mommy™ who gave up on removing Nate from the back of the couch after about the 8th time. Really, by that point it was fairly clear he had things well under control. Still, it made me miss the days when the simple act of standing was thrill enough.

*sigh*

- L.

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

A few posts back I was feeling a bit at the end of my rope over the broken dresser in the nursery – partly because it was a fairly new purchase when we moved this past August, and partly because I'd done some Googling™ and read some not so great reviews regarding IKEA customer service* when it comes to garnering replacement parts – neither of which would have phased me too terribly had it not been for the wake of general destruction here of late.

It's been fairly relentless.

Just when I think I've finally gotten a step ahead of my boys, they let me know every single time that I am in fact two steps behind.

But tonight I am feeling a step ahead again and even though I know it will not last, I am taking advantage of my improved point of view to offer up a retrospective of some of Nate and Seth's most recent hijinks.

This was how the dresser drawer looked after I managed to wrestle it out of the dresser last week:

We have child-safety latches inside all the drawers that were initially installed to prevent pinched fingers, but they have served us well as drawer stops too. Mercifully, my boys haven't actually figured out how to defeat the latches just yet, so springing one must have been a happy accident.

Happy for them, I mean.

It was pretty obvious from surveying the aftermath that the next thing they did was to climb into the lower drawer. And then possibly they jumped around.

I was in the next room tidying up the kitchen and folding some laundry and apart from the typical noises one would expect to hear from the nursery I didn't hear a thing.

Of course, that is typical of most of their shenanigans.

It all started with this a few months back: 

This used to be the box from a box-set of Dr. Seuss books.

OK, that's not entirely true. Technically, it all started with this: 

The infamous play-bucket version of PooBucket™, featured here rather innocently on a lower shelf for easy play access.

Which was used thusly to procure books from the top shelf:

Of course, Seth's first love once again headed for higher ground and just to be on the safe side, I pushed all the books toward the back of the shelf.

I patted myself on the back a little over that one, but my boys sent a message only a few days later.

It looked like this: 

And clearly said, "we might not be able to reach the books, but we can still reach the top shelf quite nicely, silly Mommy". 

Of course, they also left a trail of incriminating evidence, which led to this:

Bye-bye drawers. Your storage capacities have served us well, but you were never intended to be a ladder for my children.

No pats on the back this time though.

This all happened around the time "MAG-ZINES!" appeared on the scene. The magazines appeared to provide a way to satisfy my babies' penchant for tearing paper without damaging their books, which they were suddenly (and unexpectedly) really into.

It worked out great at first.

You know, until it didn't.

I would leave the room with my boys happily tearing up magazines to make lunch or what have you and come back to find them tearing up their books instead.

Things I never thought could be used to stand on were used to stand on, and my boys? Well, they work fast is all I can say.

Now I am the proud owner of a box of torn up books sitting in my living room waiting for repairs which I've had neither the time nor the inclination to repair – although admittedly, it's the inclination that's lagging more than time constraints. In all fairness, fixing things that are only going to get broken again gets discouraging after awhile.

Either way, the top of the dresser is getting pretty cluttered with toys that can only be played with when there is an adult in the room. I have to say, the Fisher Price farm probably surprised me the most (at least at the time). 

All of which brings me to this: 

No one needed a height advantage for our latest shenanigan. And in case you were wondering how much trouble a couple of toddlers get up to with a handful of puzzle pieces... 

... now you know. 

*sigh*

– L.

*IKEA customer service handed over not one, but two new rails without question. I'm not sure if we just got lucky or if no one writes about the easy time they had getting replacement parts at IKEA, but if it's the latter now someone has. No one even asked to see our receipt.

Uh-oh. Raisins.

I will start by saying that the nursery has in recent times found itself peppered in raisins due to a few snack-time mishaps. I never end up finding them all on the first go and certainly not before a few get mashed into the rug. Or onto the bottom of the infamous blue shoes. It's not entirely beyond the pale to find a pressed raisin inside a book days later.

Therefore, I wasn't terribly surprised to hear someone saying, "Uh-oh. Raisins." when I walked into the nursery just prior to lunch today.

My guys were even pointing at the "raisins", so it really cut down on the guesswork of having to find them.

Which was very thoughtful really.

Because those "raisins" they were so keen on showing me were most definitely *not* raisins.

To be fair what I found might have started out as raisins at one point – like maybe yesterday since we all ate raisins – except today's findings were more like the bi-product of yesterday's snacks if you catch my drift.

Uh-oh raisins, indeed. 

• • • • • • •

As you might already know, I've been a bit of a cloth diaper enthusiast. By the time my babies weighed 7 lbs. (or close enough for the newborn stash I'd bought to actually fit) it was game on. My main reasons were not the most altruistic - to be honest, it was mostly about saving money. And cloth did that for us. It was a huge money saver. Sticking my hands in a bucket of poopy water every other day wasn't the most fun thing I've ever done, but it didn't really bother me. I even weathered through a few weeks 2 summers ago without a dryer and a washer that was on it's last legs and at the time I felt like I managed it rather well, despite my frustration over our busted appliances.

Cloth was definitely the ticket for us for the first 18 odd months.

During that time, we never had a single diaper blow out. I have no amusing stories to tell about poop that shot across the room due to a gaping leg-hole. A wool soaker took care of things when it was clear the boys needed a little extra coverage for overnight pee.

But then a few things changed around the 18 month mark.

We suddenly had some major leaks which resulted in some fully soaked pants even on surprisingly short outings. I wondered if it was the diapers – or rather diaper build-up since my washer was not the best even after it was fixed. In the interim we tried out some disposables. To be fair, we had some leaks with those as well and again on surprisingly short outings (less than 2 hours), but they overall did a better job and after experimenting with a few different brands the problem seemed to sort itself out. I was now 100% on the sposie bandwagon for outings. No regrets.

Of course, our cloth overnight solutions were suddenly failing around this time as well, so disposable overnight diapers it was – and has been ever since. Also no regrets.

I thought I had everything back on track. Disposables for outings and overnight and cloth the rest of the time. It was a great plan until at least a month or so ago. 

• • • • • • •

And here is the part where I admit today was not the first time we've had an "Uh-oh. Raisins." moment while my boys were wearing cloth.

It's actually the second time.

Only a few select people heard about the first incident for reasons that will become obvious, although I *did* take a picture so I at least thought even at the time that it might be something I would mention here at some point.

And I guess that time is now because for the first time I'm second-guessing the cloth love. Surprisingly, it was those few dried turds on the floor today that may have finally pushed me over the edge and not the horrorshow of embarrassment I'm about to share.

Go figure.

Since I imagine you are on tenterhooks at this point, this is the the true story of what happened – the story that up until now I've typically referred to as "The Incident" in closed circles. 

• • • • • • •

The boys and I were getting ready to head out. This included a diaper change, but before I even had a chance to pull out the goods I heard:

"Uh-oh".

And there was Seth pointing at something on the floor (and fortunately it was actually on the floor and not the nursery carpet). Unlike the "raisins" incident it was immediately obvious that it was poop and rather soft poop at that.

I must have stood there for a full minute with a dumbfounded look on my face while various improbable scenarios went through my head.

Everyone still had pants on, so how did a rogue poop end up on the floor? I briefly contemplated the possibility that someone had managed to drop their trousers, take a quick floor poop and somehow managed to not only pull their pants back up but also do up all the snaps on their diaper. That would be a pretty incredible feat you'd have to admit.

But of course that's not what happened.

There was really only one possibility with everyone still wearing their pants: poop escaped the diaper, shuffled itself down a pant leg and ended up on the floor. 

I am like the Sherlock Holmes of poop crimes.

After the initial shock wore off I solved the big mystery and cleaned everyone up, we headed out.

Of course, what I'd failed to notice during the clean-up phase was the second escapee.

You know, the one I ended up stepping in.

The one that inevitably ended up stuck to the bottom of my sock.

The same sock I then sat against as I was kneeling to get the boys changed and dressed to head out. 

• • • • • • •

Fortunately before we left the house, I did find that second poop. I also concluded that I'd stepped in it (since it most definitely looked stepped on at that point), so naturally I changed my socks.

Of course, I never thought to check my pants.

And then we were off!

The early fall weather was certainly lovely this year, so no jacket required. Just a waist-length shirt and my ill-fated pants.

While we ran all of our errands.

With my butt on full display.

Covered in poop. 

None of which looked the least bit like raisins.

• • • • • • •

It was at least an hour after we got home before my hand somehow ended up grazing the back of my pants.

At which point a million hopeful scenarios went through my head. My favorite being dried strawberry jam that had somehow found it's way onto the back of my pants after breakfast.

Of course, I knew even before I saw it with my own eyes what it really was. The hopeful scenarios were just my brain trying to come up with anything that would make it not be that. 

Because it was that and then some.

And I walked around my neighborhood for a full 90 minutes with poop slowly drying on the back of my pants and everything on full display.

Mortified after the fact doesn't even come close to describing it.

Still, after my initial reaction, I guess it's a good thing I found something to laugh about despite everything even at the time.

Otherwise I never would have taken this picture to complete the overshare of this post: 

This is what a Mother's love looks like everyone.
Metaphorically speaking, of course.

As much as I'd like it to be, that is not raisins you're looking at.

It is however the dried remains of exactly what you think it is.

- L.

Bye-bye Chair

– I has a funny feeling something big about to happen, Nate. 

– I feel it too. I bet is Mommy up to something.

– Oh, is always that Mommy! – especially when she has serious look like right now. I afraid things be changing in ways we isn't going to like. I brace myself and make motion for you to fetch the smelling salts and my fainting couch. I has feeling I need both soon. 

– I doesn't know what it is Seth, but you is on to something. 'Dis one a nail-biter alright. 

• • • • • • •

Mommy note: Nail-biter indeed! It all started like this some months ago: 

Which led to this: 

Which led to this: 

And while that appears very innocent and all, I assure you many shenanigans were afoot in the 24 hours prior to that sweet photo.

I will leave you with the following:

1. The nursery is suddenly a lot more spacious.

2. There is a video about all of it HERE.

- L.

Just In Case...

Just in case you thought Nate was the one to watch after my last post, rest assured his brother gives me plenty of reasons to fret as well.

Seth sporting the aftermath of his latest boo-boo: 

He didn't quite have his hand on the infamous white box when he decided to rest his weight on it and went down like a ton of bricks. He caught his lip on the way down. It wasn't as much of a bleeder as you might guess looking at these pics, but it left a pretty noticeable purplish bruise in its wake. 

Typical tough guy Seth, full of smiles regardless: 

- L.

Happy Easter Everyone!

– Oh, hi everyone. It us. 

– I think you mean it us again everyone. You might remember us from last Easter.
– That not go so well as it turn out.
– No, it not.
– We hope for bigger things this Easter.
– We wait all year for our big moment.
– But is not to be.
– No, 'dis not our year.
– No, is not.
– You think Easter about the bunnies bringing treats.
– You think bunnies at Easter be treat enough all by themselves. But no.
– Last year we get upstaged by cute babies.
– And sad babies too.
– Yes, very cute and very sad.
– Very sad, but you know what sadder than that? And not so cute?
– I bet you not guess.
– 'Dis year Easter about the Pirates. Yes, I said it everyone. Pirates. 
– Is true.
– Who ever hear of Easter Pirates?
– 'Dis definitely a new low for bunnies everywhere.
– *sigh*
– *sigh*

•   •   •   •   •

Mommy note: The REAL Easter Bunny is apparently into pirates. So without further ado, the OP is proud to present our big Easter Bunny present.

Hint: it *might* be pirate related.

And just for the record, Nate and Seth loved it almost as much as I do. : )

It's got lots of cool stuff. 

Like a cannon. 

With cannon ball. 

Of course, you aren't supposed to fire it directly at anyone due to it's awesome force. Except, it's not very forceful and I have no idea why Fisher Price put that warning on the box. Seth especially liked being fired at. Repeatedly. He found it quite funny in fact. 

– Easter Pirates is the best everyone!
– They is pretty cool I must admit. I mostly just glad it not about bunnies 'dis year. 

– I overlook the bunny photobomb in 'dis pic. Cannot say the same for Seth. He skedaddle pretty quick.

•   •   •   •   •

Mommy note II: In case you noticed something a little different about the backdrop in some of the photos, you were definitely onto something.

For the record, our bookcase with drawers currently looks like this: 

It started off with a sudden enthusiasm for the sock drawer which was sort of cute despite the sock mess 87 times a day, but quickly progressed into a finger-pinching threat of epic proportions. So, until a solution is found we are literally without our drawers – which makes sense since I really did get caught with pants down on this one.

- L.

Operation Defeat Is A Success!

This is the warning on the package for almost every baby-proofing device currently in the house, but in this particular case on this particular morning, "it" happened to be this gadget: 

See? Total defeat.

Which led to the discovery of this:

No, it doesn't normally look like that. Yuck. This was shot post-rescue.

And as much as I would have loved to bring you pictures of the "Penaten Twins", I was too busy scrambling to clean everyone up before any more Penaten-laced fingers made it into someone's mouth. Yes. I said "any more" because it was pretty obvious that Nate and Seth had been sampling the wares before I poked my head into the nursery. In hindsight, I should have known it was a little too quiet in there for anything other than shenanigans.

Just when I thought I had everything anchored down and locked up tight, it all came unravelled in the span of 5 minutes. What can I say? My guys work fast.

Seth's PJs afterwards: 

And some impromptu testing on animals: 

In hindsight, perhaps buying them this last week wasn't the most prudent move, but you'll have to trust me when I say they were already well on their way in the latch busting department. Which, of course, is why I thought they'd enjoy that toy so much. You have to admit, it's certainly been educational.

- L.