The Things They Say: Top 5 Best & Worst

I recently added a new label called "the things they say", since none of the made-up conversations I've come up with over the past two years can even begin to hold a candle to the things my boys actually say these days. 

A couple of weeks ago I started a top 5 list of some of my favorites, as well as a top 5 list of some of my not-so-favorites. For some reason, the "Top 5 Worst" list came together more quickly than the "Top 5 Best", although I can say without a doubt that the #1 best saying of all time was the impetus for the list in the first place.

"Aloo shoes" and "I-dee-dee" are the relics of days gone by now. Ditto for "Leggy-bugs", "Chup-up", and "Pah-guts"*. The endless clamoring for "Reetins! Reetins! Reetins!" until we all thought we would lose our minds has long since been replaced by a simple request for raisins. Hum is now home.

And so it is now – for every ounce of posterity that's in it – I present my top picks for Best & Worst sayings that are currently in use:

The Worst:

By "worst", I mean the ones that drive me up a wall mainly due to the frequency with which they are used. Repetition might be a toddler's best friend, but I can tell you it's often a crazy-maker for Mommy. 

#5. "No singing!" 

– "No singing!" first appeared on the scene last winter anytime I would, you know, sing. It gave me a bit of a complex to be honest. I mean, while I wouldn't win any contests, I don't think my singing is that bad. I can carry a tune (at least most of the time), but I'll admit I felt heaps better when my boys started declaring "no singing!" around others as well.

Of course, at some point I recalled all the times I would sing them to sleep as babies when they were too young to object. Now I wonder if they only pretended to be asleep so I'd quit it with the singing already.

#4. "Piece of fuzz!" 

– "Piece of fuzz!" applies to actual pieces of fuzz, but also includes random things like clothing tags, loose threads and finely chopped food items/spices. Much like the dirt on the cheese crackers, my boys are semi-convinced I occasionally put fuzz in their food. Oy.

Originally, pieces of fuzz were met with a reaction similar to how one might react at the discovery of a spider on oneself – or at least how I would react to that particular discovery (read: general hysteria). Now they are simply pointed at while the discover-ee says "Piece of fuzz! Piece of fuzz! Piece of fuzz, Mommy!" on a loop until the offending fuzz has been removed.

#3. "Uh-oh! Va-va go!"

– Although my boys are well capable of saying "water" and will refer to bath water as "water" for example, water in their sippy cups has always been known as "va-va". And when said water in sippies is accidentally dropped (or more likely deliberately flung) the logical thing to say of course is, "Uh-oh! Va-va go!".

Unfortunately, things that "go" doesn't end at va-va – it's just the most popular and the original source of the "things that go" trend. Seth especially gets pretty worked up over things that "go". You can (sort of) see him in action here, but the hour was late and instead of doing his usual running litany he kept it simple for once with "Uh-oh! Stuff go!".

#2. "Kiss a bonk!" & "Itchy nose!"

"Kiss a bonk!" predates "Itchy nose!", but they are used to the same end – and although they can (and have been) used separately, these days you are more likely to hear them in succession, a la "Itchy nose and bonk!".

Very rarely do either have anything to do with an actual bonk or an itchy nose ("itchy" is how my boys refer to a runny nose in case you were wondering what that's about). On the contrary, "itchy nose and bonk" comes into play mostly in the following scenarios:

Brother steals your toy? Itchy nose and bonk!
Mommy says no more cookies? Itchy nose and bonk!
Time for bed? Itchy nose and bonk!

I'm sure you get the idea, and really it's sort of cute/funny the first 50 odd times you hear it in a day and grab a real tissue to wipe at an imaginary itchy nose while bestowing a kiss on an equally fake "bonk". After that though? Maybe not so much.

"Kiss a bonk" is pretty established at this point and typically a kiss on the top of the head gets the job done. That said, it's not completely out of the ordinary for those bonks to appear elsewhere. Some of my favorites have included, "Kiss the shirt!", "Kiss the sock!" and most famously, "Kiss the behind!".

#1. "I think so!"

Such an innocent sounding phrase, but it's place at the top of my least favorite sayings list is well-earned.

Every day without fail my boys pick a word du jour that is used to mean "general pandemonium time now!". Today's word was "washing machine" as an example – and it was trotted out liberally for such fun times as toy throwing, food flinging and making a rather spirited mess with sippy cups. Of course, all of the scenarios included the requisite shouting of "washing machine" – or worse, "MORE washing machine!" – followed by fits of giggles at Mommy losing her marbles and being forced to say ridiculous things like, "No more washing machine! I mean it!".

Tomorrow they will move on to a new word, and trust me when I say it won't matter in the least what that word is because by the end of the day I can guarantee it will be the most irksome word I've ever heard.

Except for "I think so!".

"I think so!" gets top billing since it was the first phrase my boys used to let me know it was, in fact, "general pandemonium time now" and they terrorized me with that particular saying for a solid week. In fact, "No more I think so's!" is still something the boys say – pretty much around about the time it's clear Mommy is about to lose it completely.

Want to see me twitch? Drop an "I think so!" into casual conversation. Fun!

• • • • • • • 

The Best: 

#5: "Oh my goodness boodness!" 

This is mostly a Nate-ism, but I've heard Seth use it too. It's used appropriately to express surprise. I have no idea what the boodness is about, but you can't have an "Oh my goodness!" without the "boodness" around here. Super-adorable, whatever it means.

#4. "It's a mystery!"

This one is mostly a Seth-ism, but Nate is certainly no stranger to the magical powers of "it's a mystery!".

"It's a mystery!" more or less translates to "I don't know" and often comes into play following an "Uh-oh! *Something* go!" incident when I'm not able to locate whatever it is that "went". Often my boys will steer me in the right direction when it comes to missing toys for example – and usually they aren't so much missing as hidden in some semi-unreachable place. Other times? Well, "it's a mystery!".

"It's a mystery" is always preceded by a thoughtful pause – the cuteness of which has a lot to do with it's magical properties. Keep in mind it diffuses even the worst of the "Uh-oh! *Something* go!" shenanigans in an instant. It also comes in handy in the following scenario:

Me: "Hey! How did water get all over the floor?"
N/S: *pause*... "It's a mystery!"

Clearly there isn't too much that's mysterious about that situation other than maybe which one of my boys was the perp, but I find myself cleaning up messes without question and having a bit of a giggle when they play the "mystery" card. See? Magical properties!

#3. "That's a machine, alright!" 

I covered this one over here. It's still very much a popular phrase and it still hasn't stopped making me laugh.

#2. "Nate and Seth are best friends!"

I'm sure I don't need to write a single word to tell you why this is on my list of favorites, other than to say my boys really are best friends and I love so much that they are. 

They are each Felix to the other's Oscar. 

• • • • • • • 

You're probably wondering how "Nate and Seth are best friends!" only made the #2 spot. I wrestled with it a little myself, but here's the thing: while Nate and Seth are best friends and I hope they always will be, there's probably a limited shelf life on them actually expressing that in so many words. At some point it will simply become an understood thing.

And much like the "Reetins!" of yore, all of these expressions that either make me laugh or want to tear my hair out will go by the wayside also. "It's a mystery" is probably not going to seem as cute when the boys are teenagers and I'm pretty sure they won't be asking me to wipe their noses or "kiss a bonk" anymore by that point either.

I can however, guarantee that the #1 spot on my favorites list will still be haunting at least one of my boys through his college years and beyond.

It's that good.

And since it's that good, I've decided it deserves a post all it's own.

Until next time then.

- L.

*Aloo shoes = blue shoes. I-dee-dee = ice cream. Leggy-bugs = ladybugs. Chup-up = Ketchup. Pah-guts** = Patty-cakes.

**I originally thought "Pah-guts!" was twin-speak for something to do with bedtime/saying goodnight, to the point I started saying "Goodnight... and pah-guts!" because it seemed suitable. It wasn't until we were reading Mother Goose one day and Nate pointed at the "Patty Cake" page and exclaimed "Pah-guts!" that the "mystery" was solved. That incident certainly gave me pause when it came to being definitive about declaring "Anasahnize!" and "Fore-stains!" as real examples of OP cryptophasia, but rest assured, the fore-stains et al are legit.

• • • • • • •

PS. Last October between the big Hallowe'en photo-shoot (courtesy of my dear friend Padrin) and the bath-time splish-splash pics, "Uncle P" took some random candid shots of me and my sweet boys just hanging out. They certainly weren't intended to be masterpieces, but they are without a doubt some of my favorite photos of my sons and I together. I've been hoarding them, but this seemed like an appropriate post to finally share since they are also very much some of my favorite things.

Working on my drum technique.

Excelling at my tickle technique.